Why I Need Both of My Parents TOGETHER!

I am mad. I can’t understand how they
think this is best. Thirteen years old and I lost my parents. I finally am
excepting it after one year of hoping for the best. Well I was wrong. I just
want to scream at everyone and everything. It is so unfair! Not for me but for
Charlotte. She needs the balance more than I do. Now all I have is Charlotte.
Charlotte who distrusts me. Charlotte who needs help from BOTH of my parents. Not one but both together. I wish myself Happy
Birthday. Happy Birthday! I just moved and I lost my parents! I’m now a teenager,
I need both of my parents more than ever! I am angry and grieving at the same
time. I have reconstructed my former iron wall except now I’m holding my
emotions IN. It’s hard, I feel like
lashing out. I try to hold myself together, but then I think of all the FAMILY times we spent together and I
just want to shrivel up and cry. I need both of my parents more than ever. I
don’t know how I will do it but I WILL get
them back together. I will do it for me and Charlotte. I need the balance, I
really do. The balance of my mother, yin and my father, yang. Yin and Yang were
meant together weren’t they?! I guess not. My mom and dad in the other’s
presence were better people. Sure they fought, but don’t we all? I have lived
one year of my life hoping. Hoping that Daddy would come down to Florida. That
he would get a job. That we would all live together. In a house. With Stuart. I
hoped with all my heart. It was all I wanted. Not what happened. I still went
with the flow. It was hard. I didn’t like it, but I went with it. All because I
loved them. And now look how it turned out. I never asked to be here. I never
complained. But this, this is unthinkable. I start to wonder why I went along
with this whole charade. To find out all my efforts were wasted. I need them
both together. I need help. Charlotte needs help. We need two parents who can
assist our very needs. Or at least Charlotte does. I’m a lot more independent
than they think I am. I had the courage to write this. How I REALLY feel. Writing this was good for
my soul. To let all the emotions I’ve felt over the last year flow onto a of
disposable piece of paper. Now I can just look at my mother in the eye. I can’t
say I’ve forgiven. I am still bitter but I feel better. It is interesting.
Isn’t it? When I started I felt anger and resentment. I have, what is rare for
writers to so to speak write my feelings.
I now feel understanding and peace at heart. It feels good, pretty hard to
explain, but, good. I have been writing for maybe an hour and a half and it
feels tranquil and calm. I am finally at peace with myself and my family. It
feels good. 

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