Why I Need Both of My Parents TOGETHER!I am mad. I can’t understand how theythink this is best. Thirteen years old and I lost my parents.
I finally amexcepting it after one year of hoping for the best. Well I was wrong. I justwant to scream at everyone and everything. It is so unfair! Not for me but forCharlotte.
She needs the balance more than I do. Now all I have is Charlotte.Charlotte who distrusts me. Charlotte who needs help from BOTH of my parents.
Not one but both together. I wish myself HappyBirthday. Happy Birthday! I just moved and I lost my parents! I’m now a teenager,I need both of my parents more than ever! I am angry and grieving at the sametime. I have reconstructed my former iron wall except now I’m holding myemotions IN. It’s hard, I feel likelashing out. I try to hold myself together, but then I think of all the FAMILY times we spent together and Ijust want to shrivel up and cry. I need both of my parents more than ever. Idon’t know how I will do it but I WILL getthem back together.
I will do it for me and Charlotte. I need the balance, Ireally do. The balance of my mother, yin and my father, yang. Yin and Yang weremeant together weren’t they?! I guess not. My mom and dad in the other’spresence were better people. Sure they fought, but don’t we all? I have livedone year of my life hoping. Hoping that Daddy would come down to Florida.
Thathe would get a job. That we would all live together. In a house. With Stuart.
Ihoped with all my heart. It was all I wanted. Not what happened. I still wentwith the flow. It was hard. I didn’t like it, but I went with it. All because Iloved them.
And now look how it turned out. I never asked to be here. I nevercomplained. But this, this is unthinkable. I start to wonder why I went alongwith this whole charade. To find out all my efforts were wasted.
I need themboth together. I need help. Charlotte needs help. We need two parents who canassist our very needs. Or at least Charlotte does.
I’m a lot more independentthan they think I am. I had the courage to write this. How I REALLY feel. Writing this was good formy soul. To let all the emotions I’ve felt over the last year flow onto a ofdisposable piece of paper. Now I can just look at my mother in the eye.
I can’tsay I’ve forgiven. I am still bitter but I feel better. It is interesting.Isn’t it? When I started I felt anger and resentment.
I have, what is rare forwriters to so to speak write my feelings.I now feel understanding and peace at heart. It feels good, pretty hard toexplain, but, good. I have been writing for maybe an hour and a half and itfeels tranquil and calm.
I am finally at peace with myself and my family. Itfeels good.